#Maryland #Terps Men’s #Lacrosse Disappoints. Again. CC: @MarylandMLax @qstor2

Despite attending the University of Maryland and following lacrosse for the past 10 years, I had never attended a lacrosse game at Byrd Stadium. That changed this weekend, and while I’m always happy to revisit the campus and hang out with a friend (Mike), the experience was very disappointing. Cornell beat the Terps 16-8. I’d say Maryland dropped the ball, but they couldn’t even pick up the damn thing.

For a few weeks, the Terps were the #1 team in the country. When the NCAA brackets were released, fans of the other teams were complaining that they’d have to face Maryland earlier rather than later. I responded by pointing out that 1) this Terps team has consistently underachieved all season, with even their wins sometimes being lackluster; and 2) lacrosse is one of those sports where the team that gets hot in the playoffs is unbeatable, so who you face, and when, isn’t as big of a deal.

But I digress…

I left the stadium with 5 minutes left in the game, but as far as I remember, MD had won only two face offs in the 3+ quarters I watched. There was a maddening number of plays where a Terp, all by himself, couldn’t pick up the ball with his stick. He’d play with it like a cat playing with a ball of yarn, swatting at it with seemingly no goal in mind. Before you knew it at least two Cornell players descended on the fiasco. One of them would easily scoop up the ball as if they were a college-level lacrosse player and take the ball the other way.

Seriously, it was as bad as I described it. It was embarrassing for a team that was supposedly the team you had to beat to win the championship this year, especially in light of the fact that Cornell does not look like a team that’s destined to win it all. It was sloppy and uninspiring, and there was rarely any hustle by the Terps when it really counted. Of course, I know I couldn’t do any better, but I’m not a college lacrosse player, so that’s irrelevant. Maryland had to be the most overrated team in lacrosse this year, and they should have to live with that.

Oh, well. Maybe the Caps will close out the Rangers tonight. Edit: Crap.

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Follow Maryland Men’s Lacrosse @MarylandMLax

Stupid Predictions Lite: This Is What Happens When You Don’t Research #UFC156 #MMA

Last night didn’t go well for me. Let’s look at the results.

Jose Aldo vs. Frankie Edgar

Aldo didn’t fade, so my chances of a decent pick prediction percentage did.

Rashad Evans vs. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira

I was completely uninterested in this fight. I hear Nogueira won, which means I didn’t.

Alistair Overeem vs. Antonio Silva

Overeem got complacent. He should have won in 60 seconds. What a disappointment, but I have no gripe with Bigfoot. Good for him.

Jon Fitch vs. Demian Maia

In my defense, no one picked Maia.

Joseph Benavidez vs. Ian McCall

I got this one right, but I feel dirty. McCall was game.

Evan Dunham vs. Gleison Tibau

Dunham by decision or 3rd round KO/TKO. More than likely, a decision.

Did I say that? Damn, I still got it. At least until you see my record at the bottom.

Tyron Woodley vs. Jay Hieron

Yeah, I’m a dope.

Jacob Volkmann vs. Bobby Green

No, seriously; I’m a dope.

The Results

First, the bad news: My record is 2-6 (25%), which is pathetic. Blaming that on a plethora of upsets would be even more pathetic.

Now, the good news: The experts suck, too. Tristen Critchfield had only a couple more victories than I had, giving this “professional” a similarly pathetic record of 4-4 (50%) for the same 8 fights. This is from a professional. When I was researching, I had a pick percentage in the low 60′s on a bad day (upsets or not), with my best day in the 80s. Suddenly, I don’t feel so bad. Because I haven’t been hired as an analyst, you should. You’re getting the short end of the stick with these “journalists.”

I’m still pissed at Overeem.

Follow me @MMADork

Stupid #Predictions Lite: What the Hell? I Have Some Time. #UFC156 #MMA

I have a little bit of time on my hands, so here are some quick hits.

Jose Aldo vs. Frankie Edgar

Aldo fades in the championship rounds, and Edgar takes over. Edgar by decision or possible 5th round TKO/KO.

Rashad Evans vs. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira

Rashad destroys Little Nog in embarrassing fashion. Seriously, why even sign this fight? Rashad by 2nd round TKO/KO after a brutal 1st round.

Alistair Overeem vs. Antonio Silva

Overeem by overhand … right … on the kisser. It’s a big target; hard to miss. Hey-yoo! Seriously, this is a 1st round KO. Silva was lucky to beat Travis Browne. He certainly isn’t in Overeem’s category.

Jon Fitch vs. Demian Maia

I love Demian Maia, but I can’t seriously pick him to beat the guy who just knows how to win in the UFC. If Fitch’s fight against Eric Silva wasn’t a fluke and represents the “new and improved” Jon Fitch, then it could actually be exciting. More likely, however, is Fitch grinding out a boring decision.

Joseph Benavidez vs. Ian McCall

Well, who else is either guy going to fight? There are only five people in the entire division. Benevidez by decision.

Evan Dunham vs. Gleison Tibau

I like both these guys. Dunham has been disappointing lately, but Tibau never finishes anyone. I’m going with Dunham. He’ll be able to keep separation from Tibau and pick him apart. It will take a while, though. Dunham by decision or 3rd round KO/TKO. More than likely, a decision.

Tyron Woodley vs. Jay Hieron

Hieron, I guess. Let’s say by decision.

Jacob Volkmann vs. Bobby Green

Volkman will put Green to sleep … with a political rant. Then he’ll beat him by 2nd round submission.

No picks on the remaining three fights.

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ESPN Should Hire Me … or at Least Someone Else CC: @NFL @ClaytonESPN @jamisonhensley #football #nfl

Everyone who’s read this blog knows that I’m no friend of the media. I take them to task whenever they screw up (whether I write about it or not). As I pointed out when I decided to end my Stupid Predictions series, I had a better pick percentage than the alleged “professionals” in the MMA media. Apparently, the problem exists in the NFL as well. Granted, in this age of ridiculous parity, it’s tough to predict who’s going to win any given game, but no tougher than predicting the fight game, and I was able to do that about 64% of the time (about 10% better than the best of the “pros”). So, here are some highlights of what your experts predicted for the 2012 NFL season.

Bill Barnwell

The Steelers (8-8) and Chargers (7-9) would win their divisions, and the Bills (6-10), Eagles (4-12), Buccaneers (7-9), and Cowboys (8-8) would make the playoffs. This means that 50% of Barnwell’s picks were not just wrong, but horribly wrong (i.e., those picks didn’t even get to the playoffs).

Andrew Brandt

The Chargers (7-9) and Eagles (4-12) would win their divisions, and the Steelers (8-8), Bears (10-6), and Giants (9-7) would make the playoffs. Of the 12 playoff teams, Brandt got 7 (58%) right. With two of his divisional picks not even making the playoffs, should we consider the 58% only 48%? There’s got to be a reasonable algorithm for adjusting the percentages for dumb picks. Believe me: These aren’t the last dumb picks you’re going to see.

Jeffri Chadiha

Good news: Chadiha got all of the AFC divisional champs right! Bad news: He picked the Giants (9-7) to win their division, and the Bills (6-10), Steelers (8-8), Bears (10-6), and Lions (4-12) to make the playoffs. Chadiha got 7 of 12 picks right (58%), but picking the Lions to make the playoffs should mandate some form of public humiliation issued by a judge.

John Clayton

Here’s an expert known for his inside information. How’d he do? He picked the Steelers (8-8), Chargers (7-9), and Eagles (4-12) to win their divisions, and he also picked the Bills (6-10), Giants (9-7), and Bears (10-6) to make the playoffs. This represents a 50% pick percentage, with some picks being ridiculous. If that isn’t embarrassing enough, he picked now-unemployed Andy Reid to be coach of the year. It looks like the reason Clayton always breaks stories isn’t because he knows football, but because he has a business card that says ESPN, so people will talk to him on the reputation of his network alone. He obviously doesn’t understand football.

Ashley Fox

Again, we have someone who picked all of AFC divisional winners, but she also picked the Giants (9-7) to win the NFC East, and the Steelers (8-8), Chiefs (2-14), Eagles (4-12), and Bears (10-6) to make the playoffs. The Chiefs and the Eagles? I really need to come up with a reasonable algorithm to modify her pick percentage (58%) to account for truly reprehensible picks.

Dan Graziano

The Chiefs (2-14) will win the AFC West? Someone please arrest this man. Where are the cops when you need them? In addition, Graziano picked the Giants (9-7) to win the NFC East, and the Steelers (8-8), Bills (6-10), Eagles (4-12), and Bears (10-6) to make the playoffs, giving him the familiar 58% we’ve seen throughout this article. Graziano should also lose points for making now-unemployed Romeo Crennel his coach-of-the-year pick, and even more points for picking the Eagles considering he specifically covers the NFC East for ESPN.

Jamison Hensley

Nothing could be sweeter than pointing out the stupidity of picking the Cowboys to win the Super Bowl. There was absolutely no justification for that pick. Hensley picked the Steelers (8-8), Cowboys (8-8), and Cardinals (5-11) – that’s right; I said Cardinals – to win their divisions, and the Titans (6-10), Bills (6-10), Eagles (4-12), and Lions (4-12) to make the playoffs. On average, the wild card picks have half the number of victories generally necessary to make the playoffs. This gives Hensley a 42% pick percentage, with the embarrassing Jason-Garrett-will-be-coach-of-the-year pick. Congratulations, Jamison; you’re in last place.

KC Joyner

This is getting tiring, but we’re at the last “expert” pick. Joyner had the Chargers (7-9) and Eagles (4-12) winning their divisions, and the Steelers (8-8), Raiders (4-12), Bears (10-6), and Giants (9-7) making the playoffs, bringing us another unimpressive 50% pick percentage.

Someone Should Hire Me

Professionals, indeed. In school, a 58% would be an F, and a 42% would be grounds for academic dismissal. Cheer up, though, ESPN. If you combine all of these picks, you have a decent number of good ones. Where do they find these people?

No so long ago, I went to Las Vegas and got a ticket picking the Carolina Panthers to beat the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl (I have witnesses). If John Fox (coach of the Panthers) didn’t go for two-point conversions twice, I would likely have won that bet (they lost by two points on a last-second field goal despite having all the momentum in that game). I didn’t publish my picks this year, so I can’t back up my claim I did better than this (I picked the Steelers over the Colts, and the Giants and Saints over the Seahawks and Vikings, giving me a 75%), but I’m willing to do so in the future. I’m going to watch as much preseason football as possible next year, then make my picks. We’ll see how I do.

Follow me @MMADork
Follow the NFL @NFL
Follow Bill Barnwell @billbarnwell
Follow Andrew Brandt @adbrandt
Follow Jeffri Chadiha @jeffri_chadiha
Follow John Clayton @ClaytonESPN if you think credentials are more important than substance
Follow Ashley Fox @AshleyFoxESPN
Follow Dan Graziano @espn_nfceast
Follow Jamison Hensley @jamisonhensley if you want to know who not to pick
Follow KC Joyner @KCJoynerTFS

The Icrapulate Reception and Replacement Referees

It’s all over the internet. Sports commentators are so happy to have some news of this magnitude. The Seahawks-Packers game was decided by a bad call. Okay, I get it . . . sort of. I don’t understand the focus on the catch itself. Was it a simultaneous catch? Was it stripped away at the end?  At least there’s an argument there for the Seahawks, however weak, and I could see the refs being out of position for that call, justifying (to some extent) the screw up.

The push off, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter.

The talking heads are talking about the push off too, so I don’t need to explain it to you in great detail. In summary, there was unarguably offensive pass interference, visible from every angle,  which would have brought back the play and resulted in a 10-second run off by rule.  This means the game would have ended, with no second chance for the Seahawks.

There’s no excuse for missing it. A first-time ref with no prior experience at any level should have seen that. I could have made that call. You could have made that call. That should be the focus, because that’s the strongest argument to be made.

I Hate Drama

On another note, quit your bitching Packers fans (and all football fans). The replacement refs are making bad calls across the board. While complaining about the lower quality is reasonable, you’re overstating your arguments when you claim that a single call costs you the game, even a call like the one in question here. Without several prior bad calls in your team’s favor, your team would probably not be in a position to win the game on that play anyway. I’ve objectively watched this happen to my Redskins in both of their losses. Yes, they were robbed, but so were the Rams and Bengals. It seems to be balancing out. If your team lost, they lost, and next time they should try harder.

Follow me on Twitter @MMADork

Fantasy Football Is Here!

And now, a stupid diversion.

I love football. It’s no MMA, but it’s pretty damn awesome. It’s the perfect sport for the American culture, which is why it’s surpassed baseball as America’s true pastime. I love watching preseason. The first quarter of the first couple of preseason games is always a great predictor of how well a team will do in the regular season. I also watch every regular season game I can, even if it has no direct impact on my Washington Redskins. (If you’re wondering why I call them, “my Washington Redskins,” it’s because the news media officially recognizes them as such.)

I’ve been in my fantasy football league, the DFFL, for 10 years or so. It’s a true keeper league. We draft players and sign them for up to 3 year contracts, securing them for the future. We get one franchise player per year, which allows us to keep that one player for up to 4 years before he goes back into the draft. I never have a Cowboy on my roster. NEVER! I’ve won the league a few times, and came in second a couple of others. I’m currently defending my #2 status in the league.

My team was originally named “Moesha’s Crew.” This was when Moesha, and Brandy Norwood for that matter, were still relevant. (If you don’t remember her, don’t worry about it.) Every year after the first couple, I’d create a press release to announce that my team had new ownership and was renamed accordingly. That process eventually evolved into the latest media disaster taking over the team by way of a drinking contest or other such event. The GM (me) would always express his frustration in the change of ownership.  Past owners have included Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan, Snooki, Paris Hilton, and last year’s owners, the Kardashian sisters. This year, I used a Washington Post article and took a new slant on ownership, though depending on your political viewpoint, you might characterize the new owner as a “media disaster” as well. I’m not going to get into that. This is a sports blog.

by Fred Snerd, Washington Post

Manassas, Virginia – In a surprise move, Mitt Romney, the GOP candidate for President of the United States, has purchased the current #2 DFFL franchise from the Kardashian sisters. Asked to comment, the former governor of Massachusetts noted, “Hey, you might not have heard about this the first 1,000,000 times it was mentioned by me, but I have experience in sporting events. I saved the Olympics, and in turn, the United States of America. Taking over a football team makes perfect sense, especially considering its prior owners looted its assets, leaving it on the verge of bankruptcy. I can work with this . . . or fold it. I don’t care. I need to have something to do, because after November, I’m going to be unemployed again.”

It’s been widely speculated that the Kardashians were shopping the team to potential buyers on account of the fact that they now prefer to sleep with professional basketball players rather than professional football players. One source, speaking on condition of anonymity, opined, “Look, there are far fewer members of a basketball team than a football team, so there’s more money to throw around on salaries In short, the basketball players make more, and that’s all those whores want . . . as if they don’t have enough money from their dead daddy already. I don’t know how I can keep running this team with annual changes in ownership, but I’m optimistic the new Republican ownership might be a better fit for me. Don’t print that last part. I want to remain anonymous.”

When asked to comment, GM Robert E. Bodine, Esq., attorney-at-law, Republican shill, and evil overlord of the DFFL’s biggest failure, said, “Don’t print that last part. I want to remain anonymous.”

Anonymous indeed.

I present to you the roster for Romney’s Roughhousers. I’ve changed the line up since taking this screenshot, so there’s no need to tell me I need to make changes.

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This Is Probably Why Miguel Torres Was Cut from the @UFC. Again.

As you might know by now, Miguel Torres was cut from the UFC. Dave Metzler has been cited as saying the “cut was the result of a ‘similar mistake,’” which is in turn referencing the rape van tweet that got Torres cut in December. Well, it turns out, I was personally involved in this mess! Torres was probably cut for tweeting the following (I’m still awaiting confirmation that this was the reason):

I heard Planned Parenthood wants to sponsor John Jones giving seminars about the pull out method.

There were a couple of retweets, including one (linked above) from Joseph Sandoval, a professional fighter, which lends credibility to the fact that the UFC saw it despite it’s later deletion from Torres’s tweet stream. I can’t believe that trained journalists have been unable to uncover this bit of information. It’s been published to Twitter. On second thought, I can believe it.

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