Stupid Predictions™: Results for UFC 133; New Ones for UFC Live 5 on Versus

Posted: August 10, 2011 in MMA
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Okay, time to be stupid again. I spoke about this at length on Fight Fans Radio this week, but here it is in print.

UFC 133 Results

I picked Rashad Evans (reluctantly), Vitor Belfort (disappointedly), Chad Mendes, Johny Hendricks, Nam Phan, Matt Hamill, Jorge Rivera, Rory MacDonald, Brian Ebersole, Nick Pace, and Rafael Natal. Only Nam Phan and Matt Hammill were a bad picks, as I saw Rivera-Philippou and Menjivar-Pace as toss ups. Still, my score was 7-4 or 64%. My total record has dropped slightly from ~70% to ~69% (40-18), but my main card percentage has gone up from ~68% to ~70% (19-8). As for Jason Probst, all I can find are his prelim picks, in which he went 4-2.

Moving on with my life, here are my picks for UFC Live 5.

Chris Lytle v. Dan Hardy

The real question here should be, “Why the hell is this a main event?” I won’t accuse anyone of a crack addiction, so I have no explanation. Let’s just deal with my stupid pick. Dan Hardy is a poor man’s Michael Bisping. Like Bisping, he’s getting more credit than he deserves because Zuffa wants to continue to grow the British market. The truth is that Hardy should be fighting in Strikeforce, where I suspect he’ll be a mediocre fighter. Lytle doesn’t spend enough effort using his submission skills, but even on his feet, he should finish Hardy. Only a really lucky punch can save Dan Hardy, which if it does happen will be because Lytle insists on proving his manhood by punching. Stupid.

Lytle by KO/TKO
Jason Probst picks Lytle by decision

Jim Miller vs. Benson Henderson

Now this is a main event! Here are two talented, dynamic fighters, and the fact that they’re lightweights means the pace should be frenetic. I won’t criticize you if you pick Bendo, because I respect the guy’s talent, but Jim Miller should be too much for him. Miller has more experience against better opponents, and he’s more talented than Bendo’s other UFC opponent, Marck Bocek. Bendo’s best strategy is to repeat his performance against Bocek, keeping it on the feet long enough for sweat to build up and submissions to become useless. I don’t expect him to succeed.

Miller by submission
Jason Probst picks Henderson by razor-thin decision

Duane Ludwig vs. Amir Sadollah

This is a toss-up for me. I’m going with Amir Sadollah because I was put on the spot on Fight Fans Radio and made that pick. It’s too late for me to go back.

Sadollah by decision
Jason Probst picks Sadollah by third-round technical knockout or submission

Donald Cerrone vs. Charles Oliveira

I’m a big fan of Oliveira. Cerrone will have 0 chance of staying on his feet, and it won’t take long for Oliveira to submit him. Still, this will be a fun fight to watch because they’re both quick and talented. This will be a non-stop grapplefest, much to the Cowboy’s chagrin.

Oliveira by submission
Jason Probst picks Cerrone by decision

Joseph Benavidez vs. Eddie Wineland

Another close fight, but I give the nod to Benavidez as the better fighter. If you disagree, start a blog and make your own stupid picks.

Benavidez by decision
Jason Probst picks Benavidez by clear-cut decision

T.J. O’Brien vs. Cole Miller

T.J. who? In his UFC career, Cole Miller has literally won two and lost one three times in a row. It’s time for him to win, and he will.

Miller by submission
Jason Probst picks Miller by second-round submission

Kyle Noke vs. Ed Herman

This is an especially stupid pick because Herman has been out of commission for two years due to a knee injury. Before that, he was all hype and little follow-through. He came back and had a win, but is he really 100%? He needs to be for this fight, because Noke has done well in the UFC. In fact, Noke has been stopping people.

Noke by submission (probably a guillotine)
Jason Probst picks Noke by decision

Ronny Markes vs. Karlos Vemola

Another stupid pick because I don’t know Markes and have seen very little of Vemola. As always, I go with the fighter with UFC experience over the one without it.

Vemola by stoppage (50-50 chance of submission or KO/TKO)
Jason Probst picks Markes by second-round KO/TKO

Danny Castillo vs. Jacob Volkmann

Castillo is about to get his first real UFC test. He’ll fail, though not horribly.

Volkmann by decision
Jason Probst picks Volkmann by decision

Jared Hamman vs. C.B. Dollaway

Will Hamman get revenge for his loss to Dollaway’s friend, Kyle Kingsbury? No. Dollaway is being given an easy fight because, for some reason, Zuffa really likes Ryan Bader and his friends.

Dollaway by submission (Peruvian necktie, perhaps?)
Jason Probst picks Dollaway by third-round submission

Jim Hettes vs. Alex Caceres

As with the Dollaway fight, Caceres is being given an easy fight. Everyone watch TUF (all three of you) loved Caceres. His eccentricities seemed cute in a way, and the UFC wants to foster that.

Caceres by decision
Jason Probst picks Hettes by first-round submission

Jason Reinhardt vs. Edwin Figueroa

Toss a coin and make your own pick. The only big time experience these guys have is losing, but as I know neither of them, I’m not making a pick.
Jason Probst picks Figueroa by second-round knockout

Follow me on Twitter @MMADork
Follow the Ultimate Fighting Championship on Twitter @UFC
Follow Versus MMA on Twitter @VsMMA
Follow Erika Lewis on Twitter @giftofjab
Follow Michelle Jackson on Twitter @luvingsp
Follow Jason Probst on Twitter @JasonProbst
Follow Chris Lytle on Twitter @Chrislytlemma
Follow Dan Hardy on Twitter @danhardymma
Follow Jim Miller on Twitter @JimMiller_155
Follow Benson Henderson on Twitter @SMOOTHone155
Follow Duane Ludwig on Twitter @DUANEBANGCOM
Follow Amir Sadollah on Twitter @amirMMA
Follow Donald Cerrone on Twitter @donaldcerrone
Follow Charles Oliveira on Twitter @C_Oliveira_UFC
Follow Joseph Benavidez on Twitter @JoeB135
Follow Eddie Wineland on Twitter @EddieWineland
Follow Cole Miller on Twitter @colemillerATT
Follow C. B. Dollaway on Twitter @cbdollaway
Follow Alex Caceres on Twitter @BruceLeeroyGlow

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